Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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