If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize