i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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