I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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