The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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