when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
