We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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