k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
