I'm going to jail i love you
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
