I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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