Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize