quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
