it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
