I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize