mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
