FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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