Nicole vs. Life
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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