ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
