is your mom at the bar?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
