I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize