Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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