everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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