how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
