I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
