he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
