mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
