She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
