my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
