Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
