How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize