my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
