alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
