Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
