I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
