I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
