Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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