Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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