Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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