I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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