Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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