My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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