speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
