i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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