there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
