i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
