remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
