She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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