In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
