He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
