i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
