yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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