mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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