if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
