So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
