So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
