im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
