can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
