I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
