Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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