Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
