Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
