my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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