So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
