We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
