he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
