I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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