She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
