I wish life had little blips of pornography
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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