party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
