kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sorry my hands just texted you
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
