this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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