If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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