Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
