I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
