Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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